Engaging

It's been awhile since I've posted...a, ahem, long while. And so much has happened. Holidays, busyness, work, writing, smiles, tears, laughter. At the risk of sounding melodramatic, yes, even an engagement.

Can you believe it? I'm engaged.

I've been waiting for a long time, although now looking back in retrospect, I wasn't ready until this year. Even though I've been waiting for what seems like years, God knew that I had to wait. That I still had growing up to do. And I still have growing up to do, but I've grown up enough.

Its amazing what God can teach you from a haphazard relationship with a boy. Well, a man. Sometimes it boggles my mind how much I've grown in the past 6 years and almost 4 months. How learning how to love this person can teach me so much about myself, so much about God, so much about how love works. It doesn't operate well with selfishness or pride or arrogance (which I am slowly learning is different from pride) but demands humility, compromise, and dedication.

Something that surprises me is my lack of enthusiasm for the wedding. Now, don't get me wrong, I am DYING to get married. I am just a lot less excited about the wedding than I thought I would be. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm excited about the wedding. I like the dress shopping and the color picking and the idea brainstorming. I just thought that I would get more butterflies in my stomach trying on white dresses and veils and that I would feel more jitters looking at churches and reception halls.

But no, what gave me the most jitters and butterflies was walking around Kohl's hand-in-hand with my husband-to-be and choosing what color our bedspread should be. Selecting the items for our registry sent me into long moments of daydreaming about moving my things into his house and waking up next to him.

I guess that's a good thing. It's just somewhat disconcerting, considering that half of my life I've been daydreaming about my wedding day and preparing for my wedding day. Who knew that when the time finally came to prepare, that I'd be day dreaming about the life after. I guess that is because when you are single, all you can imagine is being chosen by someone. And then when you're together with someone, you don't want to just be chosen. You want to be one.

This might be too much information for some people. I always find it a bit awkward to read about other people's relationships, especially if the information is intimate. It's just something that I didn't anticipate. Maybe its just me. Maybe I've been dating too long. Who knows? All I know is that I'm not looking forward as much to August 21 as I am to August 22.