Some females must have the exceptional ability to stay slender. I am sure some males do to--in fact, I know some males do--but for the sake of this post, I will stick with just females. Anyway, some females have the talent at staying skinny, and others don't.
There is this one girl who I have had two creative writing classes with who is exceptionally skinny. She also has tiny boobs. They are so small, I swear she doesn't need to wear a bra. But she's tall, at least as tall as me, and has long brown hair that makes her look even taller. She's skinny, and yet every class period she comes in with a VENTI coffee from Starbucks. And then in class today, she was telling the girl next to her that she stuffed herself on a Chipotle salad. Sure, it was a salad, but if I ate an entire one of those things, my pants would already be feeling tight, and I would be tempted to unbutton the top button of my jeans for relief. I wanted to gawk and be jealous, but I decided not to...at least, try not to.
I know its part of genes and genetics and all of that. My father has a belly. His lovely ability to gain fat primarily on your belly has been very ably passed down to me. Part of that has to do with my father's and my love for carbs. French fries and potatoes, especially. Potatoes have so much extra energy in them. And from what I read on WikiHow, extra carb fat tends to hang out around your belly for some reason. Wonderful.
I also know it is in part just genetics. Diabetes runs in my dad's side of the family, and diabetes-plagued people tend to gain more weight on their stomach. I'm not sure why, but that is what I have been told. Something about our ability to process sugar and all of that. I'm not sure.
I also know it is in part because of lack of exercise. My father and I aren't so good at exercising. At least Dad plays volleyball twice a week, but in his old age, I'm not so sure about the viability of that sort of work out. I'm sure its not as good as any aerobic exercise. And me, on the other hand, exercises little. People get on my case about it.
It must sound depressing that at my age, young and supposedly at the peak of my physical life, I am trying to lose belly fat. That is America for you, isn't it? Over-indulgence in French Fries. I don't want to make myself sound like a pig. I don't gorge on French Fries every night or anything, and in reality, I don't eat that much. I guess it must be the type of foods I choose to eat and my lack of exercise and my genetics all working together to maintain my bulge.
To some, this must sound crazy. Cheryl's not fat, they say. Yes, I know I'm not fat. But having struggled with self-image before, please understand it bothers me. It bothers me to no end to see some of myself hanging over the top of my jeans. It also bothers me when I know I'm not gorging myself on potatoes every day.
Eating a more balanced diet is probably what I need to do: more fruits and veggies instead of carbs and meats. I understand this. Its just hard to eat fruits and veggies when, like I am right now, shaking because I'm so hungry. You go for the high calorie foods just naturally at times like this, and even THEN you feel hungry, so you go for more. You want to be able to hold your hand up without it shaking in the air.
Something makes me wonder if there is some sort of physical disorder that I have that gives me these hunger bursts right after I've had a high calorie boba drink.
Anyway, that is my musings for today. I am jealous of those girls who can eat and stay thin. I'm not sure what it is. They must only eat one meal a day or starve themselves or just have it good, but either way, I am jealous. Even though I try not to be.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Our Best
Dear Christian Artist,
For the purpose of this post, I am going to define "artist" as anyone who produces any creative work, such as a painter, a musician, a writer, a songwriter, a movie producer, an actor/actress, a photographer, etc.
You are rare! Did you know that? You are a rare gem in the Christian world. Why? Because in the creative field, there is more freedom. You know this. Your ability to create and to twist and to pull anything you feel like. That is the freedom I'm talking about. And, of course, the world has taken that opportunity, that freedom and used creative works to demonstrate perverted and vile things. Sex, immorality, rudeness, a blurring of the truth, etc. The world has taken the expression of the human self and used it to portray ungodly material. So, the Christians left that world, that creative sector.
Why would a Christian want to participate in Hollywood, for example, if they would either have to compromise their beliefs or be picky about what they do and not get jobs? Most, I would say, do the former, and its really hard to do the latter. What the world wants to hear is what sells. So, to produce something Godly most likely wouldn't sell.
So, you are a rare specimen, and that makes you even more important. As Christians, we should together infiltrate the creative fields. We should go like an army, marching forward and taking a stand. When God calls us to be "in the world, but not of it" this is what He was talking about. We will participate in the world's creative field but not partake of the world's food.
Even more excitingly, there are creative fields where Christians have changed the genre around. Consider music for example. Before Michael W. Smith and Amy Grant in the 80s, there was hardly any popular Christian music. Look now! Christian music has its own shelf in stores like Target, Walmart, and Borders just because Christian music has just become a force. It's selling. People are buying it.
Consider next the new slue of Christian movies that are coming out nowadays. I am so inspired by Sherwood Baptist Church. Check out their movies (Flywheel, Facing the Giants, Fireproof) if you haven't already and watch the commentary on those DVDs. They are so motivated to reach the world through movies. Now we have other movies like the Narnia movies, Veggietale movies, Standing Firm, To Save a Life, Passion of the Christ, etc. that are stepping up behind the Sherwood Production movies.
However, what is working against us? Why hasn't all creative fields taken huge steps such as movies and music? Well, Christians have a tendency to produce BAD stuff. For example, take Christian fiction. This is my field, as a writer, and I'm going to frankly bash this area. Christian fiction is on a general scale horrible. In comparison to the writing available in the secular world (not saying that its all well-written but as a whole), Christian fiction doesn't have much to work with. It's often riddled with cliches, poor unrealistic characters, and very very similar plot themes and settings. I'd say that 75% of Christian fiction is set in the past, such as a Western or Victorian novel. Why? Because its easier to talk about Christian themes in a world that was more accepting of them.
Christian artists have a reputation of producing bad stuff. Why? My theory is that Christians have an awkward time of trying to get their message out. We want to try and encapsulate a person's journey to redemption in 150 pages. I also think that because so many talented Christians have left the public field, sticking to use their creative skills in other areas or in smaller venues such as their home church, there isn't as large of a talent pool to choose from.
This astounds me! As Christians, we have access to the Creator of ideas! Shouldn't we be owning everyone? We should be having such creative and mind-boggling ideas that we take the creative fields by storm. Every single one of them. And look why the Christian music and movie industry are taking off! Because the quality is good. Non-Christians would be willing to sit through some preaching because its good. I don't know how many comments in response to Sherwood films on Youtube that I saw that said, "I'm not religious or anything, but I would totally see this."
We have no excuse, in my opinion, to be putting out mediocre stuff. We should be trying our hardest and depending on God to supplement to produce something that both God and the world will deem worthy of attention. We've got God on our side. What have we to lose?
I am writing this as a call to Christian artists everywhere to embrace your field of choice. USE it to glorify God in all that you do. You may be poor and starving, as the saying goes, but lean on God to give you wholesome success for your creativity. God created the world in seven days. Think of how awesome His inspiration is going to be in our lives. Let us step out into the world, and show them what we've got. Let our work shine because its got the Creator's fingerprints all over it.
For the purpose of this post, I am going to define "artist" as anyone who produces any creative work, such as a painter, a musician, a writer, a songwriter, a movie producer, an actor/actress, a photographer, etc.
You are rare! Did you know that? You are a rare gem in the Christian world. Why? Because in the creative field, there is more freedom. You know this. Your ability to create and to twist and to pull anything you feel like. That is the freedom I'm talking about. And, of course, the world has taken that opportunity, that freedom and used creative works to demonstrate perverted and vile things. Sex, immorality, rudeness, a blurring of the truth, etc. The world has taken the expression of the human self and used it to portray ungodly material. So, the Christians left that world, that creative sector.
Why would a Christian want to participate in Hollywood, for example, if they would either have to compromise their beliefs or be picky about what they do and not get jobs? Most, I would say, do the former, and its really hard to do the latter. What the world wants to hear is what sells. So, to produce something Godly most likely wouldn't sell.
So, you are a rare specimen, and that makes you even more important. As Christians, we should together infiltrate the creative fields. We should go like an army, marching forward and taking a stand. When God calls us to be "in the world, but not of it" this is what He was talking about. We will participate in the world's creative field but not partake of the world's food.
Even more excitingly, there are creative fields where Christians have changed the genre around. Consider music for example. Before Michael W. Smith and Amy Grant in the 80s, there was hardly any popular Christian music. Look now! Christian music has its own shelf in stores like Target, Walmart, and Borders just because Christian music has just become a force. It's selling. People are buying it.
Consider next the new slue of Christian movies that are coming out nowadays. I am so inspired by Sherwood Baptist Church. Check out their movies (Flywheel, Facing the Giants, Fireproof) if you haven't already and watch the commentary on those DVDs. They are so motivated to reach the world through movies. Now we have other movies like the Narnia movies, Veggietale movies, Standing Firm, To Save a Life, Passion of the Christ, etc. that are stepping up behind the Sherwood Production movies.
However, what is working against us? Why hasn't all creative fields taken huge steps such as movies and music? Well, Christians have a tendency to produce BAD stuff. For example, take Christian fiction. This is my field, as a writer, and I'm going to frankly bash this area. Christian fiction is on a general scale horrible. In comparison to the writing available in the secular world (not saying that its all well-written but as a whole), Christian fiction doesn't have much to work with. It's often riddled with cliches, poor unrealistic characters, and very very similar plot themes and settings. I'd say that 75% of Christian fiction is set in the past, such as a Western or Victorian novel. Why? Because its easier to talk about Christian themes in a world that was more accepting of them.
Christian artists have a reputation of producing bad stuff. Why? My theory is that Christians have an awkward time of trying to get their message out. We want to try and encapsulate a person's journey to redemption in 150 pages. I also think that because so many talented Christians have left the public field, sticking to use their creative skills in other areas or in smaller venues such as their home church, there isn't as large of a talent pool to choose from.
This astounds me! As Christians, we have access to the Creator of ideas! Shouldn't we be owning everyone? We should be having such creative and mind-boggling ideas that we take the creative fields by storm. Every single one of them. And look why the Christian music and movie industry are taking off! Because the quality is good. Non-Christians would be willing to sit through some preaching because its good. I don't know how many comments in response to Sherwood films on Youtube that I saw that said, "I'm not religious or anything, but I would totally see this."
We have no excuse, in my opinion, to be putting out mediocre stuff. We should be trying our hardest and depending on God to supplement to produce something that both God and the world will deem worthy of attention. We've got God on our side. What have we to lose?
I am writing this as a call to Christian artists everywhere to embrace your field of choice. USE it to glorify God in all that you do. You may be poor and starving, as the saying goes, but lean on God to give you wholesome success for your creativity. God created the world in seven days. Think of how awesome His inspiration is going to be in our lives. Let us step out into the world, and show them what we've got. Let our work shine because its got the Creator's fingerprints all over it.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Passion
Passion is defined by dictionary.com as:
I find it intensely interesting the varied usages of this word. Built into the word passion is not just strong emotions, but anger (#9), a somewhat lack of self-control (#8), Jesus Christ's death (#11), suffering and death (#12), love (#2 & #7), lust (#3), and lack of agency or being subject to something else (#10). The definitions cover such a large range of emotions.
Some thing that I find in common is passion is often associated with something strong or taken to the extreme. Anger, lust, love, suffering...those are all extreme emotions or states of being. Also, there is somewhat built into this definition a lack of self-control. In definitions 10, 11, and 12, it is implied that passionate people are subject to the wills or desires of those things or people they are passionate about. That is also somewhat inherent in the love, lust, and hate definitions.
Passionate people are not totally in control of themselves because they are so invested in the object of their passion that such object thus gains power or control over the passionate.
Although we don't like to think about passionate people being in a position of insubordination, its important to think about. Jesus for instance was put into this position when He went to the cross to die for us. He loved us so much that He allowed for that love and passion to lead him to suffering. Jesus allowed the human government to have control over Him because of His passion for us. Wow.
But at the same time, lowly humans such as myself dislike being subject to our objects of passion. We do not have the ability such as Jesus to choose to be put into insubordination, knowing that we could get out of it if we pleased. It begins to feel like a sort of slavery to your passion, like you are stuck. Also, to be passionate about something inherently demands risk. You can't be passionate about something without risking yourself and putting yourself in the line of fire of someone. Because no matter what you choose to be passionate about, there will always be someone who will be passionate about the opposite.
I do believe that I am a passionate person, and this often gets me into trouble. I dislike apathy so much, and I demand that others be passionate about something as well. I have little patience for those who are apathetic, and this makes me a prideful, not very understand person. I have a problem being compassionate, at times. I do believe that the reasons I have listed are some of the big reasons why people aren't passionate. It just takes more time and energy to care about something. Its harder than not caring at all. So, to that extent, I "understand" (at least I think so) why people are not passionate.
But then I get frustrated. Can't they see that there are so many things out there in the world that need saving? If there were just a handful more passionate people in the world, then perhaps we could save some of them.
I have to apologize publicly for my Valentine's Day post a couple weeks ago. That post was aimed at apathetic people, those who whine on Valentine's Day for their own self-pity. It was not intended to stomp all over the hearts of those who have been through broken relationships or those who are missing someone. Please understand that my passion often gets the best of me, and I lash out. I apologize, and I hope that my few Internet readers will forgive me for some of the things I say that are insensitive. I hope to try and be more universally understanding when I post in the future.
Thank you.
| 1. | any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling, as love or hate. |
| 2. | strong amorous feeling or desire; love; ardor. |
| 3. | strong sexual desire; lust. |
| 4. | an instance or experience of strong love or sexual desire. |
| 5. | a person toward whom one feels strong love or sexual desire. |
| 6. | a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything: a passion for music. |
| 7. | the object of such a fondness or desire: Accuracy became a passion with him. |
| 8. | an outburst of strong emotion or feeling: He suddenly broke into a passion of bitter words. |
| 9. | violent anger. |
| 10. | the state of being acted upon or affected by something external, esp. something alien to one's nature or one's customary behavior (contrasted with action ). |
| 11. | (often initial capital letter ) Theology.
|
| 12. | Archaic. the sufferings of a martyr. |
I find it intensely interesting the varied usages of this word. Built into the word passion is not just strong emotions, but anger (#9), a somewhat lack of self-control (#8), Jesus Christ's death (#11), suffering and death (#12), love (#2 & #7), lust (#3), and lack of agency or being subject to something else (#10). The definitions cover such a large range of emotions.
Some thing that I find in common is passion is often associated with something strong or taken to the extreme. Anger, lust, love, suffering...those are all extreme emotions or states of being. Also, there is somewhat built into this definition a lack of self-control. In definitions 10, 11, and 12, it is implied that passionate people are subject to the wills or desires of those things or people they are passionate about. That is also somewhat inherent in the love, lust, and hate definitions.
Passionate people are not totally in control of themselves because they are so invested in the object of their passion that such object thus gains power or control over the passionate.
Although we don't like to think about passionate people being in a position of insubordination, its important to think about. Jesus for instance was put into this position when He went to the cross to die for us. He loved us so much that He allowed for that love and passion to lead him to suffering. Jesus allowed the human government to have control over Him because of His passion for us. Wow.
But at the same time, lowly humans such as myself dislike being subject to our objects of passion. We do not have the ability such as Jesus to choose to be put into insubordination, knowing that we could get out of it if we pleased. It begins to feel like a sort of slavery to your passion, like you are stuck. Also, to be passionate about something inherently demands risk. You can't be passionate about something without risking yourself and putting yourself in the line of fire of someone. Because no matter what you choose to be passionate about, there will always be someone who will be passionate about the opposite.
I do believe that I am a passionate person, and this often gets me into trouble. I dislike apathy so much, and I demand that others be passionate about something as well. I have little patience for those who are apathetic, and this makes me a prideful, not very understand person. I have a problem being compassionate, at times. I do believe that the reasons I have listed are some of the big reasons why people aren't passionate. It just takes more time and energy to care about something. Its harder than not caring at all. So, to that extent, I "understand" (at least I think so) why people are not passionate.
But then I get frustrated. Can't they see that there are so many things out there in the world that need saving? If there were just a handful more passionate people in the world, then perhaps we could save some of them.
I have to apologize publicly for my Valentine's Day post a couple weeks ago. That post was aimed at apathetic people, those who whine on Valentine's Day for their own self-pity. It was not intended to stomp all over the hearts of those who have been through broken relationships or those who are missing someone. Please understand that my passion often gets the best of me, and I lash out. I apologize, and I hope that my few Internet readers will forgive me for some of the things I say that are insensitive. I hope to try and be more universally understanding when I post in the future.
Thank you.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Chicken Nuggets and Panera's
I'm getting really tired of people's apathy, especially the apathy of those around me. Yes, I know it takes guts to CARE about something, but can you please just...try? It's really starting to bug me. At the very least, please care about what God thinks of you.
I'm also getting sort of worried that I'm just coming off too strong, that I'm demanding people have too high of a standard, that I'm being just like my parents which means judgmental and hypocritical and not very understanding. People just don't often understand my point of view, and I often don't remember that there are different points of view. So, as a result, I start feeling like giving up. But that is just making ME apathetic, isn't it?
Maybe thats why I'm getting this stressed out feeling. I've invested "too" much into my friends' lives, and they are just don't care that I have decided to devote this aspect of myself to them. (But then again, that's been a theme, hasn't it? So why the stress now?) It's getting harder to trust them. I know that love should be forgiving and trusting, but how far are you supposed to be their friend if you don't trust them? And is it wrong to feel more comfortable with other people, and to want to spend time with them instead?
I'm also getting sort of worried that I'm just coming off too strong, that I'm demanding people have too high of a standard, that I'm being just like my parents which means judgmental and hypocritical and not very understanding. People just don't often understand my point of view, and I often don't remember that there are different points of view. So, as a result, I start feeling like giving up. But that is just making ME apathetic, isn't it?
Maybe thats why I'm getting this stressed out feeling. I've invested "too" much into my friends' lives, and they are just don't care that I have decided to devote this aspect of myself to them. (But then again, that's been a theme, hasn't it? So why the stress now?) It's getting harder to trust them. I know that love should be forgiving and trusting, but how far are you supposed to be their friend if you don't trust them? And is it wrong to feel more comfortable with other people, and to want to spend time with them instead?
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Valentine's Day
It's February, the red and pink month. As always, I am baffled by the evermore popular "Singles Awareness Day" celebrated during this 28 day period. As much as I know I have no place to say anything, I'll say it anyway: isn't that a little pathetic?
I'm not saying celebrating singleness is bad. Despite the fact that Valentine's Day is probably my second favorite holiday behind Christmas, I understand that there are plenty of people who rejoice in the opportunities presented by being single, but many people celebrate "SAD" because they wish they didn't have to.
I've posted a note on Facebook before talking about how Valentine's Day should be about celebrating love, not necessarily just romantic love, but love for your friends, your family, your neighbors, etc. God gave us an incredible opportunity TO LOVE. Shouldn't we partake in that blessing a little more often?
Jon and I are often put in the "other" category when it comes to relationships. We're often categorized by other single people as too good to be true, lucky, married, or something of the sort. Everyone seems to understand we aren't a normal dating relationship, which by itself I am okay with. However, I do come to resent the fact that we are an "other" as well. True, Jon and I have something special, I'm not going to deny that. But also, we had to work for it, and we were just like everyone else in the beginning as well.
When people ask me what makes my relationship work, I always tell them about how Jon was so invested in the relationship in the beginning and it was his leadership that kept us going through those tough first two and a half years. Jon doesn't like that telling because although he knows it holds some truth, he likes to cite my determination as well. But coming from this girl, I was just going along for the ride in the beginning. I had no idea that a relationship took so much time, energy, dedication, commitment, and endurance. Jon did. He invested so much into making me happy, and I didn't even realize.
Maybe its because we're high school sweethearts that people discount Jon's and my relationship as a fairy tale. Maybe because it doesn't happen that the first person you happen to date seriously ends up being the person you chose to marry. Maybe it's that. Maybe its because people often don't see the mistakes we've made or the tough journeys that we have been through. Or maybe they are jealous? I don't know. I just wish people understood that our relationship is not easy, that it is attainable for you too, and that love is selfless.
I've learned so much from being in a relationship with Jon. I've learned how God loves, even through the imperfect love that we try to show each other day to day. I've learned a little bit better about what unconditional love means, and how difficult we make it for God to love us. I've learned about what true desire is, and how we are supposed to desire God just as much as we desire our significant other, if not more. I've also learned that God created us as very social beings. We NEED other people. God made us that way because while He doesn't need us in the same way we need Him, He loves interaction, relationships, being.
My prayer is that more people understand that not being attached doesn't have any relation to how attractive you are as a person. I also pray that more people are willing to wait for a Godly relationship and not just give away such a huge part of themselves because they start to get desperate. While God created the wonderful institution of marriage, He also called us to rejoice when we are single.
Relationships are sticky things. You don't ever come out of any relationship (not just romantic) unscathed or unchanged. That is why it is so important that we seek healthy relationships and that we risk part of ourselves every time we enter into one. Because if you don't seek a healthy relationship, when you risk part of yourself, it'll get ugly. And if you seek a healthy relationship, but you don't risk part of yourself, it won't go anywhere.
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