I tried to write today and couldn't get anything out, anything good really, and got frustrated. I have this dying feeling that I want to write something and feel that awesome emotion of things just flying off my fingertips, but it eludes me.
On a side note, my boyfriend is currently sleeping on my couch downstairs, totally knocked out from swimming today with my cousins. Haha. <3
On another side note, I feel frustrated and dissatisfied. I posted that as a status, and someone commented how angsty the statement was. Yes, angst. Oh, the word for our teenage years. But we should get angsty every once in awhile I think. It helps us figure things out, at least most of the time, if you know how to deal with it healthily.
I feel like I need something new in my life. Something that starts to change the things that I don't like into things I do like, something that will stop me from wasting time on things that don't matter and help me use more of my time wisely. It is just that at this point in my life, it is beginning hard to find out what is a wise use of my time and what is not. I feel like many things that used to make me happy and used to keep me going are now draining my energy and wasting my time, and I feel bad for thinking that, for feeling that, for feeling like I want to take what used to be special to me and toss it out of my life.
I know things change. I know I change. I know people change. For better or for worse. It is just hard to decipher it all, you know?
And I am beginning to find out how right my mother truly was, and it bothers me. She warned me that I would get worn out, and I have. I am worn out.
When you grow up, you will realize that passions that earn you money come very scarecely. In fact, you're going to have to become dispassionate with the things you love in order to do it. My friend (J2) recently got a job, and with his work he should have landed a great job, but he's restless, and losing that passion he had in school. I talked to him and he always says, "But hey, It pays...and I'm happy about that." Authors I know often have a day job and passionately write by night. If you're clinging onto a deram that you no longer love beside the nostalgia, perhaps it is time to let it go. But if you truly remember what got you and is getting you excited, be sure to harness that and use it when you're down.
ReplyDeleteOften times our innocent child-like dreams are the ones that mean the most. You never (at least not when we were children) hear a child say, "I want to make lots of money." "I want to live comfortably in life." no...they say things like "I want to be an astronaut, I want to explore" "I want to be a doctor, I want to help people" "I want to be a firefighter, I want to help people" You see? the pure innocence...don't forget that.
haha...you're such a dear for posting a comment. The angst part was not referring to my writing though. It was referring to something else, but I couldn't say. My writing was just a side note.
ReplyDeleteHUGS