I guess I am feeling angry. And its not really nice or respectful for me to feel angry at someone else. So, I might be saying hypocritical things. I'm not sure. Because it sure feels like I'm right at this moment in time. Like I am the one being wronged.
Its just...to be clear but vague...its just very depressing to see how much respect has left society. How much respect has left our relationships, our friendships. Children don't respect their parents as much, parents don't respect their kids as much, spouses/couples don't respect each other as much, generations don't respect each other as much. Teachers, students, politicians, citizens, leaders, followers, friends, enemies, strangers, family, God, Jesus, pastors, congregations, famous people, rich people, fat people, different people. Communication, relationships, and lives are falling apart because people don't hold respect as important as it needs to be. Because from respect stems trust, honesty, truth, hope, love, and just plain decency. If you don't respect a person, how are you going to treat them? If you don't respect your enemies, are you going to think that they have the possibility of beating you?
The lack of respect in society has made it so making racist comments is okay. The lack of respect means whatever is okay for me is good. It doesn't matter if it screws you over. This lack of respect is intimately tied with the world's increasing acceptance of relativism and modernism. Its killing us. Slowly. And thats the worst part about it.
And you know what? I'm tired...I'm tired of being used and abused. I'm tired of not being respected. Not that people are necessarily being disrespectful, but they don't have respect for me. And you know what? If you don't respect me, then I'm going to assume that you don't care for me that much. Because how can you care for someone you don't respect? I'm also going to assume that any piece of advice that I gave you went out that other ear of yours.
I want to respect other people too. But its so hard to do it, being the prideful person I am, when they don't seem to be worthy of my respect. They act like the only business that means anything to them is their own, and that makes me wonder whether they are worth my time. And I don't like thinking that way. I don't want to think that way. But I feel like its almost inevitable to start doubting whether I should take myself and my time and my efforts elsewhere to somewhere, to someone that will appreciate what I do more. Where I will be more useful.
It's hard to tell...who is right and wrong. As always, I'm finding its a little of both. But in this case, I'm trying to figure out how I am wrong. And other than overreacting and getting carried away with my emotions, I can't seem to find much fault in myself. I'm not sure if that's just me, or if its because thats just how messed up this whole mess is.
I'm not physically tired, but it is affecting my physical strength. I'm getting tired of it all. I don't know how much more I can put up with, but I don't know what it is that God would call me to do. What would He do in this situation? Righteous angry? Am I capable of such a thing or would my imperfect humanity let it go awry? Or just putting up with it? Is that the way I demonstrate His love?
It's a long, venting post. I'm not sure if anyone but my dear boyfriend reads this site. And I feel a bit hesitant posting this on the Internet for all to see. But...if I don't put it out there for someone to see at least...I'm going to go crazy.
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