Moving

The thought keeps coming back:

Should I move to a different church?

I don't like to think it. It makes me feel disloyal, and my parents have definitely told me their thoughts on the subject. They think I'm giving up, thinking too selfishly. So, I have to debate the legitimacy of the thoughts with myself.

The thought usually comes up when something happens at church that I disagree with or that I don't like, which is one of the main reasons why I ignore it after awhile. I'm not sure if the situation increases my lack of legitimacy.

But at the same time, I almost want to leave to make a point. That the church is not headed in a direction that is going to make them successful. But what do I know? I'm just any other person in the church, and everyone else has different opinions on what is going to make them a successful church.

Or maybe its just that the church doesn't fit my needs. It's not that the church is failing. It's just that it doesn't fit my needs. But is that a reason to leave the church?

The only reason I would stay (and the reason I have been staying) is I feel that I am needed, that God still wants me to make a difference there. But it is HARD. I'm not lying or exaggerating. If this is my calling, then God certainly didn't lighten up on anything. Not that I'm necessarily complaining. I'm just saying...its complicating my thought process. Because I don't if its difficult because it is supposed to test me or because I'm in the wrong place.

I don't know. I keep thinking about it, and every time it comes up, I feel like I think about it more seriously.