My parents confuse me sometimes. They act like when you are dating seriously (or courting I should say), your level of commitment can only go so far. You can only commit yourself up to the point where you are taken care of. If you are asked to commit when you are not being taken care of, you need to leave. Because you have to watch out for yourself. Make sure you don't end up in a bad marriage that you can't get out of, or end up in divorce. So you can only commit if all of your needs are being met.
But isn't love supposed to go farther than that? Aren't you supposed to love unconditionally? Isn't that how its supposed to be? How God loves us? Or is that love only reserved for marriage? Why can't it be shown in courting relationships, where you are dating with the intent on marrying. Obviously, if the guy is beating you or you are being abused or something, there is something terribly wrong there and you need to get out. And obviously, if your partner isn't demonstrating that you are worth the world to them, then there is something wrong and you need to get out. But what if...he IS saying that you mean the world to him, but he has flaws? Everyone has flaws. Big ones and small ones. And I'm sure no matter what person you meet, you are always going to have one big obstacle to overcome with them. Any person. Because there is no such thing as a perfect match.
So there is that one flaw. That one obstacle. My parents say either be SUPER cautious and reevaluate your relationship. I say give them a chance, because you are practicing unconditional love, yes?
I don't want to shed my parents in a super negative light. I love my parents, and I know they are trying to protect their daughters, and themselves in a way. But what they are telling me doesn't fit with what Jesus teaches, at least I don't think so. They are saying that you only love as long as you are being taken care of. I understand the importance of a person's needs being met, but what if its going to be a process. People are going to have to learn. Why do they always ask the "how long do you wait?" question? Well, my answer is not solid and concrete, not "2 months and seven days". No, my answer is as long as you need to.
My parents think that dating means you are in the relationship for yourself. You are trying to find a person to fit YOU. I think its the other way around. You are trying to find out who you FIT. Why can't it be that way? Why can't it be that you necessitate meeting someone's else's needs instead of your own? Because the way you date is going to affect the way you marry. You don't want to marry him because he hits your needs. You want to marry him because you fit each other's needs, because you fit his needs. Right? Isn't that how its supposed to be? What is with all of this selfishness?
And more importantly...why can't I tell them to my face that I disagree? Why can't I think fast enough to come up with a come back? Instead I'm mulling over the internal conflict until they leave and the situation has passed.
And another question...why is it when I tell my parents that my friend called me because she had a bad day and wanted to talk, that they MUST ask the question what happened? Why can't they just leave it at that? My friend had a bad day. Period. No more details are needed. You aren't needed here, okay? And why am I so quick to answer their question? As I answered it, I felt remorse, like I was sharing a person's confidence. And I don't like that, but once I start, then I have to justify myself to them. Why?
I want to be free from my parents' expectations. I don't want to have to live up to what they want anymore. I don't want have to be THEIR daughter. I love them, and all that they've done for me. But I feel like I am so self conscious over myself because I feel their eyes watching me, wanting me to be the daughter that they went to so much trouble to raise.
I'm beginning to see the flaws in my parents' thinking, like I'm supposed to at this age. And I'm met with frustration. Because I don't like to see flaws and do nothing about it. I like to fix things.
So isn't love supposed to go further? Can you make excuses for love? Or is that not really love, just giving in?
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